TO LEARN, TO UNLEARN AND TO RELEARN.

I could beat my chest as a single lady that I was a good cook and a  fastidiously tidy person. But marriage and motherhood quickly changed all that for me.
I came into marriage armed with three cook books , five Home and country magazines and a truckload of confidence about how nice my home would be but right now the magazines are probably at the bottom of the Ghana-must-go bag in my wardrobe along with all my Dean Koontz , Stephen King and Michael Crichton novels. Evidence of a time in my life I had time to read novels.

My first month in marriage I was out to ‘WOW’ oga and show  him I was the Nigerian version of Martha Stewart.  But to my greatest shock the plate would return to the kitchen almost the way I served it. Initially I felt insulted, then I felt slapped in the face, then deflated. I asked why, wasn’t the food okay, and in his usual quiet manner he would just tell me he doesn’t like it.
What is the meaning of this kwanu ? This was strange to me and a big assault to my ego. Why would anyone not like MY cooking. How could? Anyway I went on a mission to get him to like them but I hit a brick wall each time.
‘Look, all this your carrot , green things and fry fry, I'm not used to...i won’t eat it. I want my normal rice and stew, my normal jollof , my normal eba and well made soup and peppersoup'
I finally realised it. He didn’t need the spicy meat balls and sauce I learnt from Olla Kalu Ogba, He didn’t need or want to be impressed, he just wanted to eat a good meal. I folded my three cook books and threw them into my Ghana-must-go bag.

Then the kids started coming and I realized my Home and country Magazines were going to join their  sisters soon. By the time I lost two valuable vases I realised I had to switch to metal or wood. Kids will find an alternative use for practically every piece of decor. Do you know that the settee can be converted to a very convincing bouncy castle or trampoline, the center table is very good for crawling under, you can turn the whole tiled floor into an ice skating rink by pouring Johnson's baby powder on it, throw pillows are used for 'gladiators’ fight, mop stick used for sword fights... I can go on and on. My closet is the kids best place on earth and no matter how much I scream and shout I can’t stop chidinma from picking my jewellery box and shouting to her sisters with glee, ‘hmmmm t-rea-sureee! (Thank you Jake and the Neverland pirates) I don taya.

So as you grow older as a wife and mother you grow wiser. You learn how to comb the city for the shops with the cheapest bargain, in fact I dubbed my self Madam cheap n’ cheerful because akpata etufuo ejighi ya aba ogaranya. Despite my initial hatred for Oil mill market and the almost ankle deep black and smelly mud, the vampiric pickpockets and the Reinhardt Bonkee crusade sized crowd of shoppers, it is still one of the best markets to buy food stuff in Port Harcourt. Just make sure you dress in you most raggedly  clothes to avoid being profiled by the sellers. Also make sure you hide your car keys or else you might have to pay double the normal price of everything you purchase.

Life is all about learning new stuff like Nasa Evangeline Ojembe 's moi moi recipe that can send any foodie into ecstasy . Unlearning old stuff that are no longer working or have gone obsolete or were outrightly stupid in the first place  and relearning the things that work. So is our walk with God  because our belief system form our reality and the backdrop of what we do or do not experience.

One of the best things I heard last year was a message on the true nature of God by my Pastor Mike Onyali It shook my world...no it exploded my world,  like a big epic kaboom!...like in nuclear proportions. I could practically hear the gates of brass and bars of iron being ripped asunder. For the first time in my entire Christianity I could grasp to a large extent God's love for me and I began to see the world through His huge celestial and benevolent eyes of love.

THE PROCESS- It's actually simple to do, here are some tips to help you get on with it

1.Tell your self the truth. If it things aint working it aint working.

2. If it ain't working it's possible it's because your belief system is wrong or you didn’t truly understand truth.

3. The process will cost you your pride but in the long run it will pay off big time.

4. Make up your mind that anyone can teach you.

5. Make up your mind that what you already know will not be a hindrance from learning more.

Do have a sublime new month and thanks for taking out time to read.
#memoirsofacitywife